You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
