Only a mothe r could love this liver
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
