I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
