I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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