If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
