she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
