his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
