So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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