Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
