JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
