just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
