I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize