she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
