im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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