I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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