Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
