An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize