She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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