you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
