I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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