You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize