Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
