come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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