She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
