So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize