it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
