he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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