the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
