Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
