I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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