So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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