So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
