My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
