Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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