i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
