and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
