If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Randomize
