i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
