you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
