Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
