we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize