If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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