i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
