I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Shame - the story of my life.
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