Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My pussy is not your playground.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
