There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
