the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
