I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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