Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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