There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
