I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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