too bad you live with your parents still
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
