I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
