She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
