Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
