the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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