i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
