return my video game
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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