he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
