just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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