tell your sister to shave her snatch
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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