haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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