I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize