Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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