So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This baby is an asshole
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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