My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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