You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
