K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
