I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize