Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
